My Vote

[AZP] part of the problem is powerful people
an eye for an eye and we're blind for the sequel
out of control and rocking the boat
no! it's not gonna get my vote!

laws of the land they tighten. so?
know why they write them? control.
good buy more. pay less. why? owe.
no! it's not gonna get my vote!

Violating public decency so frequently and yet i still just act the meek and wait for someone else to speak for me. i'm speaking, see. the only thing they're teaching me is how to lose your rights in wrongs and make a song of secrecy. even reading writing on the wall means someone's reaching me. bored of the billboard preaching: you have cheapened me. voyeuristic systems here to bleaken streets and peep at me; only gonna get my vote if they jam the CCTV frequencies. a visceral visual when the captain sees no ships. peripheral's digital cuz of RFID chips. in the worst way, my spirit of the staircase prepares aid; a say is as likely as Nestlé going Fair Trade. the disrepair's great. let bets fly. doesn't matter if the right is left or if the left's right (left, right!) branded download, the sound grows to a vote where this land is free of ads like São Paulo. they say sink, we say "how low?" now no buying from a business represented by the Dow Jones. (sink) not now, yo. i sabotage with fatter drops. and know it's only gonna get my vote if they camouflage the ballot box.

oh, you can't shove it down our throat...
it's not gonna get my vote

[D-1] to all my pitiful sages
at the critical stages
raking minimum wages, say
"it's not gonna get my vote"

and all the ones written off
by the toffs at the top
who indulgently scoff, say
"it's not gonna get my..."

Remember, remember, November the 5th: gunpowder's played out, but the sentiment persists. now the crowd get excited when the pyres get lit, but they're not burning the Guy but the ones he'd have hit. and i can see why they're feeling that treason's legit when Big Bro wants to know when i'm taking a shit and how many bits of paper. it's 1984 hell. it's not gonna get my vote, like the spycams on Orwell. so 30K detonate, like radiation, contaminate. it's not gonna get my vote like a BNP candidate in grand debate. skewering them when they start to vacillate: the residue that's left when morality evaporates. future's writ large on an advertising banner, saying WELCOME TO THE PROMISED LAND - poison in the manna. and disgust and apathy are not the same. shame i ain't feeling the love, ticking a box marked "None of the Above". that's why i'm robbing ballot boxes, not giving a toss, making obscene phone calls like i'm Jonathan Ross in a Dave Cameron mask, exacting my vengeance. saying "fuck a party system, we're running as independents".

*chorus*

listen:
19 - 30KB - My Vote by Certified Banger

download: zshare/YSI

(not getting my Vogts)

Happy new year everyone!

We've been waiting 13 years for the official anthem of 2010 to finally become legitimate.
Let's hope the year 2010 lives up to the tune's promise and is suitably full of Japanese-infused 8-bit drum'n'bass elements.


Maestro, please...

mp3: Cornelius – "2010" (YSI)

LJB December mix: 40 Shades of Brown

Well, Life Just Bounces mixtapes were pretty sporadic this year. It started strongly enough, with an early hiccup in March and, then, er, May, and by July everything had basically gone to the dogs. Oh well: in a spirited last-minute effort, here's a mix for December, themed for no good reason around the colour brown.

Solid, reliable brown is the color of earth and is abundant in nature. Light brown implies genuineness while dark brown is similar to wood or leather. Brown can also be sad and wistful. Men are more apt to say brown is one of their favorite colors.

LISTEN/DOWNLOAD

Click titles to download individual tracks
(YouSendIt, or Rapidshare in the case of the ultra-big Joe Zawinul track)

1. Roni Size & Reprazent – "Brown Paper Bag (full vocal mix)" ("Brown Paper Bag" 12", 1998)
2. Don Cherry – "Brown Rice" (Brown Rice, 1975)
3. The Coasters – "Charlie Brown" (7", 1959)
4. Butthole Surfers – "The Shah Sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave" (Brown Reason to Live, 1983)
5. Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown – "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" (San Antonio Ballbuster, 1965)
6. Dianogah – "My Brother Wore Brown" (Battle Champions, 2000)
7. Foetus – "Free James Brown (So He Can Run Me Down)" (Butterfly Potion EP, 1990; more on the incident that inspired this track)
8. Fred Wesley & the J.B.'s – "Doing It to Death" (7", 1973)
9. Woodstock Brown Acid Warning
10. Pink & Brown – "Puddles of Acid Part 1 And 2" (Shame Fantasy II, 2003)
11. Black Star – "Brown Sugar (raw)" (Brown Sugar OST, 2002)
12. Coleman Hawkins – "Sweet Georgia Brown" (At Newport, 1957)
13. Hella – "Brown Medal 2003" (The Devil Isn't Red, 2004)
14. Ken Nordine – "Brown" (Colors, 1967)
15. Joe Zawinul – "Brown Street" (Brown Street, 2006)
16. The Mountain Goats – "Song for Dennis Brown" (The Sunset Tree, 2005)
17. Dennis Brown – "Three Meals a Day" (The Promised Land 1977-79, 2002)
18. Mclusky – "Gareth Brown Says" (Mclusky Do Dallas, 2002)
19. Death By Stereo – "Fear of a Brown Planet" (Death Is My Only Friend, 2009)
20. DJ Shadow & The Automator – "Fear of a Brown Planet" (Bombay the Hard Way, 1999)
21. Roy Brown – "I've Got the Last Laugh Now" (Battle of the Blues, Vol. 1, 1959)
22. Sun City Girls – "Lord Brown of Due South" (Flute and Mask, 2002)

Others

[january]|[february]|[april]|[june]

Popbitch Commentary #2 (Thursday 17/12/09)

       >> Vodka tampons <<      
      The only cool way to survive the Xmas season    

      "Slimming" is one weird way to get drunk. OK   
      you avoid the calories and therefore put on no   
      weight. But this is how you do it. Get a   
      large vodka, take it to the toilets, drop a   
      tampon in it so that it soaks up the alcohol.   
      Insert the tampon, and wait for the vodka to soak   
      in. We've seen people at it this party season.

There are so many reasons this story is full of shit. Not least because, outside a handful of isolated cases in Finland, the whole "vodka tampons" thing was pretty much a meme spread by Mogwai as a joke waaay back in the days when they used to make brilliant records.

Also, i'm no habitual tampon user, but how are you going to insert a used one of those things? Isn't the idea that they absorb liquid and swell up, not the other way around?

Also, how much calorific gain is generally associated with vodka consumption? Well, it's about 77 calories per 35ml shot. Worth the effort and mess of inserting vodka-soaked tampons and the stinging discomfort of alcohol applied to mucuous membranes (ever snorted spirits off a spoon? don't bother) and oh yeh, the risk of death? Hmmm, maybe if you're trying to avoid the devastating weight gain so often associated with vodka drinking. Or, i guess, if you've got space to fill in your weekly gossip email and have decided to address this by just reprinting a hoary old urban legend despite its complete lack of sense. Must try harder, Popbitch.

Oh and my arse have they "seen people at it this party season". Probably just disappearing into the bogs to do coke like everyone else in London.

mp3: Mogwai — "Christmas Song" (YSI)

Raggedy update

Looking at Will's blog the other day, i noticed in his affiliate links section that i haven't actually written anything on here for four weeks. Eeurgh, terrible business. i have been dealing with various other affairs instead (of which, maybe, more later); but anyway, i thought i'd better check in and at least reassure any potential readers i'm actually still alive.

Main exciting news: i'm pleased to report sightings of two new 30KB tracks! The first one is from the new Certified Banger compilation, the fifth and final installment in the On the Radar series. It's called "My Vote" and in general terms it deals with cultural and political dissatisfaction and the power you wield by choosing wisely. The usual mopey shit, then. The beat was by our associate Article10 ("N.W.W.", "Toleracist 2008"). This tune's also going to be on our forthcoming EP In Spuriis speramus, which should be freely available within an indeterminate timeframe. Vague eh!

You can get hold of the whole On the Radar vol. 5 compilation here. Obviously this is very much advisable.

Some folk have said already said nice things... the great-looking Style43 website, for instance, called us "one of my favourites at the moment... [w]e’re going to be keeping a close eye on them next year, as I reckon they’re another crew who are going to be making movements." Thank-you much! We're gonna have to try and actually make some movements now.

mp3: 30KB – "My Vote" (YSI)

The second tune is a studio version of a song we've occasionally been doing live with our boys Scams for a while now (indeed, we played it at this year's Kendal Calling festival at their invitation). It's called "Up All Night" and according to Scams' Andy, it's about the phenomenon of always seeing days "start from the wrong side", after midnight rather than in the morning. One for the night owls and insomniacs among you. And now, ironically, it's time for more coffee. Word.

mp3: Scams – "Up All Night" feat. 30KB (YSI)

Letter to Radio 4's "Feedback"

Prompted by reams of humourless twats having a go at David Mitchell for a joke on Radio 4's Unbelievable Truth. i'm not a Mitchell fanboy or anything, but the people calling into this programme were a real excruciating band of humourless muppets (iPlayer).

From: Tom

Just want to put my voice forward to counter the storm of type-first/think-later auto-offendees submitting their knee-jerk faux-offence at the Anne Frank joke made by D Mitchell on The Unbelievable Truth. It was funny, sympathetic and not particularly offensive at all.

Your complainers seem to be prime members of the recently-developed "offencerati" class - those who sit around *waiting* for someone to 'offend' them so they can go crying to mummy - or audience feedback shows - as soon as they encounter something that doesn't square with their little eggshell worldview. More Mitchell, more Unbelievable Truth, more bold writing, and less capitulation to professional whiners, please.

Thanks.
tom.

"Zombieland" capsule review (warning: spoilers)

Highlight the grey (potential SPOILER) text to view it.

Clichéd zombie movie tropes + clichéd pop cultural tropes + soppy Michael Cera clone + overexposed celebrity actor cameo + zeitgeisterrific nod to currently-hip "indie" subculture + square miles of mugging and self-congratulation = big dull box-ticking overrated dud.

And hey, main character: if you're supposedly neurotic enough to have as many as 32 different rules for not being killed by zombies (that's just me inferring the total from the highest-numbered one) why miss out half of them yet feel the need to repeat other ones three times or more? Welcome to Zombieland, population: half thought-out.

At one point in this film, Bill Murray is asked if he has any career regrets. The smug, predictable, shooting-fish-in-a-barrel, circle-jerk-y answer? Garfield: The Movie. Really? Garfield? Not, say, pastel-tinged Orientalist snoozefest Lost in Translation or execrable sports-meets-product-placement headache Space Jam?

Objectively, Garfield (or its sequel, which Murray was also in, so he can't have hated the experience all that much) may indeed be the worst film Murray's been in. But what sticks in the craw with that line is its fourth-wall-breaking self-satisfaction and achingly safe obviousness, which sum up Zombieland perfectly. The whole film comes off as if the audience has been issued a crib-sheet of received cultural opinions in advance, and when the filmmakers flash up the relevant neon applause sign, we laugh/cry/opinion-form (delete as appropriate) on cue. They might as well have had the whole cast do a synchronised mug-to-camera to emphasis that Witty Banter™ is, in fact, in effect.


Upsides? The gore. There's shitloads of gore, sometimes quite inventive (is "goreography" a word? It is now), sometimes relentlessly horrible, generally pretty entertaining. There's some pretty good comic lines in about 5% of the script, too. If you can ignore the other 95% of the script, the actors and the general smug atmosphere, it's a reasonable gore film.

Since seeing this movie i've found out that the ersatz-Cera (apparently his name is Jesse Eisenberg) is going to be playing Mark Zuckerberg in the upcoming Sorkin-written/Fincher-helmed The Social Network (aka "The Facebook Movie"), so it remains to be seen if he's any better when not working from a script that's basically the equivalent of "The Zombieland Writers became a fan of Bruce Campbell and obvious meta-humour".