Popbitch Commentary #2 (Thursday 17/12/09)

       >> Vodka tampons <<      
      The only cool way to survive the Xmas season    

      "Slimming" is one weird way to get drunk. OK   
      you avoid the calories and therefore put on no   
      weight. But this is how you do it. Get a   
      large vodka, take it to the toilets, drop a   
      tampon in it so that it soaks up the alcohol.   
      Insert the tampon, and wait for the vodka to soak   
      in. We've seen people at it this party season.

There are so many reasons this story is full of shit. Not least because, outside a handful of isolated cases in Finland, the whole "vodka tampons" thing was pretty much a meme spread by Mogwai as a joke waaay back in the days when they used to make brilliant records.

Also, i'm no habitual tampon user, but how are you going to insert a used one of those things? Isn't the idea that they absorb liquid and swell up, not the other way around?

Also, how much calorific gain is generally associated with vodka consumption? Well, it's about 77 calories per 35ml shot. Worth the effort and mess of inserting vodka-soaked tampons and the stinging discomfort of alcohol applied to mucuous membranes (ever snorted spirits off a spoon? don't bother) and oh yeh, the risk of death? Hmmm, maybe if you're trying to avoid the devastating weight gain so often associated with vodka drinking. Or, i guess, if you've got space to fill in your weekly gossip email and have decided to address this by just reprinting a hoary old urban legend despite its complete lack of sense. Must try harder, Popbitch.

Oh and my arse have they "seen people at it this party season". Probably just disappearing into the bogs to do coke like everyone else in London.

mp3: Mogwai — "Christmas Song" (YSI)