Sorry about the wall-of-text, but it's all pretty great quality text.
#ff: most people on this list
Made me giggle
@kicking__k, Feb 4: Just tried to breathe tea, can confirm would very quickly die on any planet with a tealike atmosphere.
@diss1, Feb 6: "yeah - and you know that i'm Scouse / catch me outside your bird's house in my Berghaus"
[at a rap battle]
@twosilvertrees, Feb 17: constrictions of email subject line reduce header to a concise 'Joanna Newsom added to The Simpsons'. imagining yellow, doughy harpist. [NB Lauren: please tweet more]
@davidschneider, Mar 1: Sarcasm finally loses lowest-form-of-wit crown to Pretending to Speak like a Mentally Handicapped Person
@Aiannucci, Mar 5: At the airport.Got my Oscar tickets in my pocket, my girl by my side,and 3 packets of heroin hidden up my anus.What could possibly go wrong? [i think it's the choice of "anus" that makes it so funny]
@ConanOBrien, Mar 29: Jewish fun fact: If you celebrate Passover on top of an overpass, you go back in time.
@TheOnion, May 10: NEWSWIRE: Rogue Quantum Physicist Wanted Dead And Alive
@AesopRockWins, May 18: there is a butter knife sitting in the middle of my living room floor. it showed up like 2 days ago. gonna let it be i guess.
@JerryThomas, May 24: If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on sugar raise your standards.
@davidschneider, Jun 19: He'll is other people #predictiveSartre (from @MimFox)
@GaryDelaney, Jul 1: Just seen two men fighting over whether to use the pluperfect or imperfect, it was a tense situation.
@Aurist, Jul 4: nice unfortunate trending topic: Dog Eating Contest
@davidschneider, Jul 8: I'm not racist or anything but my street is full of ants
@AesopRockWins, Aug 6: There's been a man drunkenly yelling "Sabrina!" on the street for like 2 hours. Sabrina if you're reading this, go outside. Dude's here.
@woodmuffin, Oct 4: its troubling to know that one of the few phrases Scooby-Doo can pronounce correctly is "Race riot"
@leducviolet, Nov 4: meme girls
@RapSkit, Nov 5: I sleep with one Wikipedia page open
@leducviolet, Nov 5: McRib is back. McAdam & McEve, not McAdam & McSteve! #McGod
@woodmuffin, Nov 6: ? Who's the leader of the Reich that stretches very far? A-D-O-L-F-H I-T-L-E-R ?
@CelestialBeard, Nov 8: the dutch name for Ludo translates as "dude don't be annoyed"
@SRN_lol, Nov 8: i think if a tractor trailer kicks up a rock and cracks your windscreen, you should be allowed to shoot out one of their tire
@Toxzxi, Nov 9: Endless butt harddrive
@robdelaney, Nov 11: Been a while since "It's the End of the World as We Know It" & "We Didn't Start the Fire." We need a new song where someone yells a list.
@leducviolet, Nov 16: @diss1 "you should buy a kindle" "you should get your affairs in order, because I'm about to impale you on a polearm" [on bookstores becoming obsolete]
@WXTXIVXX, Nov 16: wish i could put my facebook relationship status as 'desperate but indifferent'
@Giania, Nov 17: I like my women like I like my coffee: a lot.
@dogsdoingthings, Nov 17: Dogs lingering after class to get some clarification on whether you mean "Chaka Khan" when you say "Jacques Lacan." [NB pretty much anything else from this account would also qualify]
@leducviolet, Nov 24: I received a B.A. in English *receives a breathtaking rimjob from the ghost of Emily Dickinson* *dies impoverished & alone*
Poignant/poetic/thoughtful/absurd
@kicking__k, Feb 25: -5 FOLLOWERS. Every time I lose just one I send a search party into my heart but they or why are never there.
@kicking__k, Mar 8: The problem with wanting to be loved for what we are is that we're never really / rarely ever what we think we are.
@mcsole, Mar 8: "the suicide bomber is the last true believer// he's lonely in heaven, with no virgins, and no heaven...."
@Benladen, Mar 3: every way out is really just a way back in
@dreamguts, Feb 16: @diss1 only artificial things are good http://tinyurl.com/yam84cc
@_hoju, Mar 10: I've never had a nice tasting fortune cookie. I don't consider this fortuitous.
@R_C__S, Jun 19: I'm a fish again.
@Benladen, Jul 29: i will bleed gravel until your whole world smells caustic.
@negativecos, Jul 30: meet the new phone, same as the old phone
@Aurist, Aug 27: crowns. RT @IAM_SHAKESPEARE: crowns.
@milkhell, Aug 31: egg city destroyed. yolk everywhere.
@jessedarling, Oct 1: Sometimes I mourn all the pretty songs I wrote & probably won't ever sing. [swoon]
@rejecter, Oct 6: I served on the S/S Reuptake Inhibitor, the world's only steamer to round the Cape of Good Hope crawling the ocean floor.
@Giania, Oct 15: I'm so hip I'll eventually need to be replaced
@Giania, Oct 21: Stop dying all the time. Stop it. Don't you know there's a word called love and a bunch of silly shit left to do?
@chunderbucket, Oct 26: If we outlaw laws, will only outlaws have laws?
@AesopRockWins, Oct 28: "BEFRIEND RAP" to replace "BATTLE RAP"-contestants will be given two 1-minute rounds to "befriend" their opponent via improvisational rhyme.
@Aurist, Nov 2: even when the last tree falls, there will be fire.
@ceschi, Nov 3: "Do not think that one has to be sad in order to be militant, even though the thing one is fighting is abominable." - Michel Foucault
@preschoolgems, Nov 4: "You're going to space jail."
@preschoolgems, Nov 10: "I don't like me. I'm yucky."
@evrythingmustgo, Nov 12: I wish this sadness was just my persona.
@xmaswar, Dec 6: in alaska they give you all the sauce at mcdonalds you want even if you dont order nuggets in order to keep the suicide rate down
Current affairs
@MissCay, Jun 27: The only way this match can improve now is if England actually bring on three lions. #worldcup
@Chr1sR0berts, Oct 19: When Winston Churchill was asked to cut arts funding in favour of the war effort, he simply replied ‘then what are we fighting for?'
@josephjedwards, Oct 20: All in this together. All in this together. All in this together. http://i.imgur.com/mHlXY.jpg
@simon_price01, Nov 10: You know how some people are always moaning that students should earn their keep? Today they're doing it.
Culture
@MaxTundra, Mar 9: OK Go should record an innovative, exciting piece of music - and make a plodding, nondescript video to go with it.
@nathanrabin, Mar 17: The Britney Spears song "Lucky" is about a girl named lucky who is lucky. But is she really lucky? No. No, she is not.
@ebertchicago, Apr 5: Chuck Norris gets mad, punches out Hummer. Werner Herzog gets mad, triggers 6.9 quake centered in Baja.
@WaFBelieves, May 4: Mark E. Smith is made out of industrial smoke, cut-up fragments of Philip K. Dick stories, "unsporting behavior", whiskey and Can LPs.
@demon_pigeon, Jul 6: 'dirty harry potter'
@demon_pigeon, Jul 28: korn iii: old man with dreadlocks, singing about rubbish life: in back of his porsche #reviewhaiku
@Discographies, Aug 6: M.I.A.: 1 "A pop revolutionary's gotta move fast..."; 2 "...before success softens your ideas..."; 3 "...and all that remains is celebrity." [NB: virtually anything from this stunning account would also qualify]
@JoshMalina, Aug 15: Nope. ROBIN HOOD's playing. RT @russellcrowe Anyone awake in Poland?
@leducviolet, Oct 22: The Naked & The Dad
@Neil_Hamburger, Oct 26: I'm critical of the Pink Floyd policy of occupying FM radio RT @RogerWaters:I'm critical of the Israeli policy of occupying Palestinian land
@Aurist, Oct 27: it seems there are a lot of people out there who don't know the difference between a "sick drop" and "making the bass loud but not better"
@martinnicholls, Dec 23: Apparently Beefheart responded to Bono's collaboration request with the note: "Dear Bongo. No." I so want that to be true.
Great Potential Band Names [w/suggested musical style]
- Musket Party [akin to vintage Butthole Surfers doing an Elvis Costello covers set]
- Superpredators [like ATR remixing Dead Kennedys]
- International Soups [kraut-/post-rock]
- Cytokine Storm [intricate technical metal]
- Sonic Cathedrals [you expect shoegaze but then it's actually boring garage-rock]
My own stuff that i favourited out of a sense of undervaluedness
@diss1, Feb 7: i'm going to pretend that there's a major sporting event on called the "Superb Owl"
@diss1, Feb 9: Mark E Smith interviewing himself
@diss1, Feb 16: 'Jedward' are pretty much Disney's Tweedledum and Tweedledee after a 12-hour gunpoint lipo session.
@diss1, Feb 18: @willmill82 @TheMasterBrewer one day i'd love to hear the bloke who does the football results scoring internet memes. "girls - 2; cup - 1."
@diss1, Mar 4: apparently there's a man dressed as a banana in our office car park. [there really was]
@diss1, Mar 10: you say "tomato", i say "tomato"... on paper, this could work out.
@diss1, Jun 30: "Why has me gay?" "What is a mouse when it spins?" "Who decided to use coffee in a cup?" great questions, all. [christ knows what these were from, sounds like Yahoo! Answers tho]
@diss1, Nov 2: "respect the old man who has forgotten what he learned, for broken tablets have a place in the Ark beside the Tablets of the Law"
Just sort of assorted aceness
@Aurist, Feb 16: the young assistant walks into @mark_yudof's office/lair. "sir... he's back..." cut to yudof's face, and zoom in on his widening eyes [on the return of Benladen to Twitter after Yudof getting him b&d]
@buddypeace1980, Mar 27: Apparently when you have wolves in a film you have to have a sniper there too - just in case... They're untameable. Never knew that...
@Benladen, Jul 7: CANNON KNOCKED DOWN THE TOWERS RT @johnbcannon It was you, diss. Tell the truth, diss. RT @diss1 @Benladen didn't blow up the projects. [this is just ace]
@errolmorris, Nov 11: AMBROSE BIERCE'S DEFINITION OF "NOVEMBER:" n. The eleventh-twelfth of a weariness. (Damn. Does the colon go inside the quotes?)
@AesopRockWins, Nov 27: Under the bum drum cutter is a real motherfucker's motherfucker, motherfucker.
Me and OYBAM's #listnumber3 suggestions: songs that would sound either good or in some other way interesting when played together, or conceptual remixes based on titular/nomenclaturial similarities
- Beach Boys "Fun, Fun, Fun"; Kraftwerk "Autobahn"; DKs "MTV Get Off the Air"; Nickelback "How You Remind Me" #listnumber3 [me]
- Weezer "Say It Ain't So" + Pixies "Where Is My Mind?" #listnumber3 [OYBAM]
- Dream Theater "Pull Me Under" + Camel "Spirit of the Water" #listnumber3 [OYBAM]
- selections from the "Super Mario" OST with something by Mario Lanza #listnumber3 [me]
- "In the Hall of the Mountain King" + the theme from "Inspector Gadget" #listnumber3 [me]
- The Fall "Blindness" / Roots Manuva "Witness (One Hope)" #listnumber3 [me]
OK, these links could be useful
- Every Spin magazine ever on Google Books http://tr.im/R9VY /via @dannynorthphoto
- Your Twitter followers throw you a fucking parade http://bit.ly/a8U3uo /via @alexia, carr2n
- A Flash version of John Conway's Game of Life which also queries Wikipedia and Bing image, it is fun to watch: http://bit.ly/byn4V1 /via @dreamguts, who also created it
- Best bad ad placement ever http://i51.tinypic.com/jpeaet.jpg /via @backpedalling
- Gargoyle Mark E Smith http://twitpic.com/2p29pv /via @serafinowicz
- a dozen films of Samuel Beckett's plays: http://is.gd/ffmNG /via @ubuweb
- Derrida The Movie (Documentary, 2002): http://is.gd/fxFUJ /via @ubuweb
- coordinate yr own symphony in realtime, it has to be in Bb tho http://inbflat.net/ /via @JNRaeside, @jeremyhillman, @iankatz1000
- the "Best Answer" on Yahoo! Answers to the question of what it was like for Martin Luther King growing up http://yhoo.it/cg7ko7 /via @kasper_hauser
- essential info in Wiki's Alan Sugar article http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Alan_Sugar&oldid=96137718 /via @demon_pigeon
- John Peel taking over Radio 1's daytime for a week. hilarious, thrilling http://bit.ly/9PdrhX /via @kleptones
Amen
@CharSmar, Apr 21: #IfSongsWereHonest This is a mans world...and look at the fucking state of it
@subpop, Mar 18: Coffee, work your magic
@MJMcKean, May 23: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
@Dorianlynskey, Jun 24: If you could have only one wish, what would it be? Mine would be for Stephen Fry to stfu about Apple products for the rest of his life.
@joehowe, Jul 27: be realistic, ask for the impossible.
@edjeff, Oct 7: if you shitheads re-elect boris in 2012 i swear to god i am going to kill every last one of you
@shaylamaddox, Oct 13: Twitter makes me like people I've never met and Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.
@Aurist, Oct 21: @diss1 why am i not a meme yet
@Aurist, Oct 22: fuck you die fuck you die die die fuck you dead die fuck dead you fuck die die fuck you fuck RT @kellyoxford Anorexia is hipster exercise.
@delrico, Oct 27: you see, more than the music and the influence and the exposure, this is why I love John Peel http://bit.ly/aboAKj #keepingitpeel
@Toxzxi, Nov 4: The Apprentice. You're fired! Into the sun. For watching it.
@Toxzxi, Nov 4: I cannot smh enough for these disgusting bird is the word for christmas #1 imbeciles SMDH
@djharrylove, Nov 4: Never make the mistake of assuming that someone's life is fine just because they dont tell you all their problems
@Aurist, Nov 9: @Maaever i am going to become a celebrity so i am in a position to make being nice to people a fashionable thing to do
@virgiltexas, Nov 9: Mad Men Avatar, Didn't Read #MMADR
@cmunell, Nov 17: I think "child murders" is a kind of #MilitaryEvent (http://bit.ly/a7HDNx)
@demon_pigeon, Nov 24: sometimes i don't think i'm good enough to write a novel, but then i remember pride and prejudice and zombies is out and i cry
@pippa_dee, Nov 24: It bemuses me that so often, in place of polyphony there is only a somnambulous chorus reciting the words of dead white men. [i seem to remember a blog post that expanded on this, but disappointingly i can't find it]
@Maaever, Dec 1: the fact that being male and feminist makes people perceive you as intellectually dishonest is points for patriarchy
@BlancoMusiccom, Dec 1: Is it just me or does the great philosophical divide of the 21st century look like it's going to be between techs and creatives?
@chrissteigen, Dec 31: In 2011, I will be angrier #realisticresolution
