In defence of noted fashion staple the hood.

Here's a ridiculous letter written to The Chester Standard by one Billy Mason of Little Neston, concerning hood-wearers and why he views them all as criminal scum, allied to a redemptive message of hope that all those of us afflicted by hood-wearing can one day "come out of our shell" because "society needs ya(sic), you can bridge that distance". Well, erm, thanks for that, Billy, i'm sure i'll bear it in mind next time i'm out clothes shopping.

Also included: my mildly tongue-in-cheek poetic response, written off-the-cuff on the back of a Highland packet while "assisting" in filming a new OFA video and actually submitted to the Standard in response to Billy's little diatribe. Let's see if they print this ish.

Hey i'm just trying to be me and nobody else
That is why i pick the clothes i like best for myself
But some ignorant folk claim i'm "up to no good"
Just cuz i like to wear a hood.

How dare you judge me? You've never even met me.
So how could you possibly say correctly?
Prejudice lies at the heart of your argument.
(That, and my hooded garment.)

You wouldn't write poetry packed with such loathing
Directed at others' selections of clothing.
You'd be making a crude generalisation
The clothes make not the persuasion.

(Although MPs wear suits and start unlawful wars
And bankers wear suits, gambling money that's yours,
And half-dressed "celebs" invite national shame.
And you figure hoods are to blame.)

And i'm boundlessly creative. i'm not "in my shell".
i don't wear a scarf. i behave very well.
Don't lazily label me "misunderstood"
Cuz i enjoy wearing a hood.

These baseless slurs just raise up my cholest'rol.
i terrorize nobody. You're disrespectful
For calling folk "coward" and "stuck in the mud"
Just for choosing to wear a hood.

A hoodie goes nicely with T-shirt and jeans
(And i'm not "walkin' aroung" — whatever that means)
If people "despise" me, their ignorance is tragic.
A hood's just a piece of fabric.

In summary, then — i will say it once, loudly:
No-one's hiding in hoods. We're wearing 'em proudly.

MP3: gay against you — "I Put My Hood Up"
MP3: Mogwai — "Like Herod (Hood mix)"