Life Just Bounces

...so don't you get worried at all. (A weblog of music and otrogenerica)

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Stuff everyone else likes but i find a bit rubbish really #1

Title says it all: here's a sporadic review of things that everyone else i'th'world thinks are the Second Coming of Christ but which, conversely, i find about as desirable as the second coming of Gary Glitter.

This topic could end up having a lot of installments.

1. Shisha
Because it tastes like crap, possesses no discernible 'hit' (i.e.: point) of any kind whatsoever, and is basically beloved of people who want to look all boho but are too 'mature' or whatever to smoke properly. Go do some drugs. Or just buy a pack of cigarettes and stop living in denial that you're the fuckin' Dalai Lama or something.

2. Arrested Development
(The TV programme not the 90s hip-hop group). Everyone in the world without fail either loves this show or has never heard of it, including among the former plenty of my friends whose taste i otherwise respect and hold in great regard. Therefore i've concluded that it must be my poor taste that is stopping me from loving it, and not because the show is endlessly smug and nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is, wrings cheap laughs from stupid naming ("there's a character called George Michael? Isn't that that singer that had a wank in a toilet? HUR HUR HUR"), boasts a hideous cloying voiceover that smothers all the jokes like a leaden pillow, and still fails to avoid the saccharine American sitcom sentimentality tarpit that it thinks it's way too edgy and post-modern for.

3. Twitter
Partly because it's a lame Facebook with status updates and no other features whatsoever. Partly because this fact renders it useful only for endlessly promoting things. Partly because of the fact that none of its celebrity endorsers post anything that isn't the usual anodyne pre-vetted PR fare anyway. Partly because of its cutesy cloying Web 2.0 name and two new inane definitions of the word "tweet". But mostly for the pathetic way that, even among ostensibly serious journalists, the act of reading Stephen Fry's stupid social networking updates now somehow constitutes news-gathering. Er... what?

4. Charlie Brooker
Chris Morris Jr. only without the laughs. "Righteous indignation" as edgy as a spoon. Likes to come off as a sacred cow butcher but actually aims consistently at the most obvious targets (politicians, Big Brother, the stock market. Like, wow). (Also, this doesn't really have anything to do with it, but his Grauniad byline photo looks like Mark Kermode after someone's left him out on the radiator overnight.)

5. Burlesque
Specifically the Ludacris "neo-burlesque" movement, a.k.a stripping for middle-class girls with show poodle-esque pseudonyms (Mitzi le Blahblah, etc.) who would most likely turn up their noses at proper strippers as déclassé sex workers. But burlesque is "an art form", y'see, cuz it's more "cheeky" and "knowing".

Which i think translates to going on a night out and the next thing you know you've accidentally been sucked into a seaside postcard of the 1950s with a saucy vicar with his trousers round his ankles and a chubby girl in fishnets and novel-shaped nipple tassles is lurching seductively towards you. D.I.Y. exhibitionism with bonus Carry On Girls humour? Hmmm, might just pass on that one actually, cheers.

mp3: Naked City — "The Bitter and the Sweet"

1 comment:

Aurist said...

I totally agree with all of this, except shisha which I cannot say I have tried. Also, great post :P. You summed up everything that was wrong with twitter in a paragraph, Charlie Brooker substitutes "he's a fucking wanker" etc for comedy and calls it "cynical", and eww on the burlesque, suddenly every middle-aged housewife wants to copy Dita Von Teese. Although, of course, your post puts it far better than I could.